Books I Refuse to Read – volume 2

Here is the long-awaited sequel to “Books I Refuse to Read”. Seriously, these are not worth reading.*

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Grime and Punishment – An impoverished student in czarist Russia learns his landlady won’t return his security deposit if he doesn’t clean up his apartment. He kills an old pawn broker and her daughter to get the money for cleaning supplies. While at first he thought he’d get away with the dirty deed, in the end he comes clean with the police.

Lord of the Files – In an alternate ending to William Golding’s Lord of the Flies, Piggy survives and grows up to become the webmaster of the largest file sharing network on earth.

A Passage to Indiana – A young British schoolmistress finds herself in the exotic rural environs of 1920s Indiana. Local customs – as well as the people – beguile and bewilder her. After some unpleasant business, she departs Indiana never to return.

The Secret Gardener – Frances Hodgson’s little-known prequel reveals the secrets of the gardener. Never published, because then the garden wouldn’t be so secret any more.

The Bun Also Rises – A baker in Pamplona rues the annual running of the bulls because the stampede always causes his bread dough to fall no matter how much yeast he uses. An American expatriate tells him to try making small bun-sized loaves.

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*If you know of any more books that belong on this list, please add your warning in a comment below.

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24 Responses to Books I Refuse to Read – volume 2

  1. janehinrichs says:

    Ah, I am smirking with you Tim.

  2. Pastor Bob says:

    Sarcasm as a hook…..
    the bait sucks
    (Did the pun work?)

  3. stephanielynn75 says:

    Tim…I am just reading this list, smiling, and shaking my head. lol I love your humor!

  4. Bev Murrill says:

    Anne of Green Fables – a young story teller combines her passion for conservation with her knack for telling stories that, though clearly imaginary, always have a good teaching moral.

  5. Jeannie says:

    I love your list, Tim, especially The Bun Also Rises!

    May I also add the popular YA novel (now a major motion picture): “The Fault in Our Stats.” Two teens meet in a statistics class. They are both super-cool — certainly not average kids. The girl doesn’t mean to fall in love with him but his melodramatic mode of talking to her wins her over. He is a very frightening driver and almost hits the median a few times, but she still loves him. That’s all the data I have on the book; the probability of it being a success is pretty random.

  6. The Washing Machine Stops: when to call the plumber
    A Room with a Loo: how to find a hotel room with an en-suite in Edwardian Florence
    Wind in the Willows: a mole’s escape from problem flatulence
    Catch Her in the Eye
    The Importance of Being Honest: a guide for courtroom witnesses
    One Thousand Years of Solitude (what you feel you’ve experienced after you read One Hundred Years of Solitude)
    The Unconsoled (the reader after they’ve ploughed through the whole flippin’ book in the false hope that something will eventually happen)
    The Unconsoled: life without video games
    Bleak Mouse (sorrowful Dickensian tale of tiny proportions)
    The Remains of the Day-old Tuna Sandwich
    Fifty Shades of Beige: English people hit the beach in Marbella
    Little Hymning: church without music
    A Midsummer Night Scream (the long forgotten Elizabethan tragedy)
    You Just Missed Carol (Charles Dickens’ first draft of the beloved Christmas classic)
    Dane Air (the Scandinavian airline)

    Should I continue? I’ve been listening to I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue for too many years. Must get out more. Some of these may not even be from my own head – I may well have heard them and am just regurgitating.

  7. A Passage to Indiana! My favorite. πŸ™‚

  8. John Allman says:

    You have reminded me of an email I sent months ago to a younger-than-me, female, Russian friend, as follows.

    Inspired (inter alia) by the Woody Allen movie Love and War, andmany famous Russian novel titles.

    Subject: Suggested Anglo-Russian novel titles

    Love and war – the rubbishy semi-autobiographical novel that nearly every novelist writes first, but which nobody will publish, until after his second novel, that isn’t all about him, has sold a million. About women I have known. Any resemblance between them and women I would have liked to have known, was purely imaginary, and transient. Apart from the one who died.

    Peterborough – this will be, to the eponymous south midlands town, what Joyce’s Ulysses is to Dublin.

    In the stalls – one of those play within a play plots, set in a theatre that is showing Lolita. The older man and a younger woman (obviously, because the inner play is Lolita) are never together, because she is up in the first circle. He arrived too late for their rendezvous, and could only afford a ticket in the stalls. Rather introspective.

    The Pasta and Margherita – they meet in the foyer after all, after watching Lolita. They go out for an Italian meal. He orders spaghetti bolognaise. She has a simple vegetarian pizza.

    Love and punishment – this one is rather specialised. I don’t think I will write it after all.

    The Turkish Gamble – At the risk of offending her, the idiot tries to charm a friend, by sending her emails with punning book titles based on novels from her country, whilst she is on holiday in Turkey.

    The Offense – I knew I was taking a risk.

    Where this be heading? – First book in the a trilogy.

    Invitation to a bedding – This was supposed to be the last book of the trilogy, but I got impatient, and wrote it second. It was the part of the overall plot I found it easiest to imagine in detail.
    Invitations to a wedding – This is the last book in the trilogy. It wasn’t supposed to be. It should have been the second book.

    Punishment without crime – as Bob Marley sang, “in this bright future, you can’t forget your past”. We must get around to writing a novel about the targeting, or people will say that we are perps. Well, they probably will say that anyway. But the issue needs exposing, all the same.

  9. Grime and Punishment is my fav; probably because i have two college students πŸ™‚

  10. Pingback: Breakfast Blend 11.27.14 | Scribblepreach

  11. Mary Anne says:

    Moby Click: A crazed programmer swears vengeance against the malfunctioning white mouse that caused him to lose his data.

    M.A. by Jane Austen: A clever, handsome, and rich young lady thinks her Master of Arts in matchmaking gives her the right to arrange other people’s lives.

    Les Miselibraries: A book thief spends most of his life trying to avoid paying his fines and evading the library police. (Frankly, in this one I’m rooting for Javert. πŸ˜‰ )

  12. Pingback: Books I Refuse to Read | Tim's Blog – Just One Train Wreck After Another

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