Prosperity Preachers and My Days as a Disc Jockey

I was a late night disc jockey for a few years back in high school and college. On my best nights I probably had a dozen listeners. Not all at once, but still.

My friends Jack and Greg would stop in once in a while. They’d make up characters, give me the barest information possible and then tell me to give them a microphone. One night, the best I can remember,  it went something like this:

Me: Our guests in the studio tonight are two men of the cloth, the Reverend Reggie Mega-Bucks Simpson and Pastor Willie No-Penalty-For-Early-Withdrawal Watson. Great to have you here, gentlemen.

Reverend Reggie Mega-Bucks Simpson (played by Jack): Praise the Lord and thank you very much. We are so glad to be here to get our message out.

Pastor Willie No-Penalty-For-Early-Withdrawal Watson (played by Greg): Amen to that.

Me: Tell the listeners a little bit about your work.

Pastor Willie: Glad to, glad to. We are from the Church of the Divine Interest Rate, and we are here to tell your listeners how to get rid of the Devil in their life.

Me: You can get rid of the Devil?

Reverend Reggie: You said it, brother. We are here to handle the Devil for you.

Me: Seriously? How?

Reverend Reggie: Send him to us!

Me: Now how can people send you the Devil?

Pastor Willie: It’s right there in Scripture. It says right there that money is the Devil.

Me: It does?

Pastor Willie: It certainly does, and all you need to do to get rid of that Devil is send your money to us. We’ll handle him for you.

Me: You’ll handle the money?

Reverend Reggie: Aren’t you listening? We’re going to handle the Devil! Send us your devil money and we’ll take care of everything from there.

Pastor Willie: Amen, amen! You just send that money to us at the Church of the Divine Interest Rate and once your money is out of your hands and in ours you’ll never have to worry about it again.

porch preachers

Reggie and Willie. Or Willie and Reggie. I keep forgetting which is which.

Me: Oh my, look at the time. Gentlemen, I’d like to …

Pastor Willie: Time may be short, but at the Church of the Divine Interest Rate we’re never short on cash.

Reverend Reggie: Right you are, Pastor Willie. In fact, for those who find themselves  a little too free of the Devil after sending us their money, we offer loans on particularly advantageous terms.

Pastor Willie: Advantageous to us, that is.

Me: Back to the music, any music!

***

Jesus said:

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. (Luke 16:13.)

and Peter warned,

But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. … In their greed these teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories. (2 Peter 2:1, 3.)

***

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7 Responses to Prosperity Preachers and My Days as a Disc Jockey

  1. Life With Teens & Other Wild Things says:

    Pink Floyd for the win. You just made my whole day.

  2. Laura Droege says:

    “Church of the Divine Interest Rate”: what an inspired name! Our church is looking at starting a church plant in the near future. Should I suggest this name for the church plant?!

    • Tim says:

      If you do, you have to let me know the response.

      • Mary Anne says:

        Can’t be worse than some of the names my brother and I came up with at a young people’s meeting when our church was considering changing its name. Among the suggestions were “The New and Improved Presbyterian Church” and “Presbyterian Church: The Sequel.” But my sister-in-law walked away with all the marbles when she suggested “The Temple of Doom Presbyterian Church.”

        As you can tell by my reference to being in a young people’s meeting, this was a loooong time ago . . . ;-D

  3. Jeannie says:

    Hilarious, Tim — but a good word behind the humour, as always.

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