50 Shades – a parody movie review

[The sequel to 50 Shades of Grey opens today. I haven’t sent it but here’s my review and I bet it’s spot on for accuracy.]

***

50 Shades of Lent explores the relationship between a man-with-a-religious-sounding-name and a woman-who-refuses-to-use-the-brains-God-gave-her.

As the Lenten season approaches, the man talks the woman into signing a contract that gives him total power over her decisions for the next 6 weeks. She soon discovers that when it comes to deciding what to give up for Lent the only thing she’s given up is the ability to decide what to give up for Lent.

Most astute movie-goers would suspect that the filmmakers made a glaring error in calling this 50 Shades of Lent. After all, Lent isn’t fifty days long.

This is where – Oh the humanity! – this is where the script takes its most devious turn: the contract allows him to change what she’s giving up for Lent more than once per day.

The maximum number of restrictions under the contract is fifty, but she doesn’t know when he’ll hit her with the old switcheroo next. Will it affect her diet, her wardrobe, her vocabulary?

The man acts capriciously and maliciously:

  • One day he tells her she has to give up all dairy, the next he requires that milk be back on the menu but all non-dairy products are anathema.
  • He subjects her to ridicule among her fashion-minded friends by decreeing all her outfits must comprise plaids, stripes and polka dots –  at the same time. She starts to breathe easy when he relents the next day, only to find that now all colors but mustard yellow are off limits.
  • Then comes the worst day of all, the day she’s suspected would arrive but dreaded all along: he tells her she’s not to use any words ending with Y. The fiend has found the perfect way to shut down any attempts she might have dared to question his dictates by asking “why”.

The man is the consummate manipulator. This movie will have you on the edge of your seat, waiting for the opportunity to leave the theater without making too much of a disturbance.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss ten bucks goodbye:

  1. You’ll laugh at yourself for ever buying a ticket.
  2. You’ll cry at the thought of never getting back the 90 minutes of your life spent watching the film.
  3. And you’ll kiss … well, you’ll still kiss ten bucks goodbye no matter what.

See you at the movies! (But not that one.)

***

[You would think that this isn’t how real faith in God is expressed, that no one would subject themselves to the whims of another person when it comes to as important a matter as exercising faith. I rather think they might.

After all, is it that much of a stretch to go from allowing a person to manipulate your feelings and dictate what you wear, where you live, what car you drive and how brutally you have sex, as depicted in the 50 Shades book and movie? That’s not love; that’s a power trip. And just as some people fall prey to people in relationships, others fall prey to those who seek to manipulate them in their faith.

Which do you think is worse?]

***

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2 Responses to 50 Shades – a parody movie review

  1. Denise says:

    The sad thing is, when you have let others control your faith (by allowing them to control which version of the Bible you use, what clothes you wear, how your hair is cut, what music you listen to, what pastors you can listen to, where you are allowed to send your kids to college, etc. etc. etc. and allow them to tell you what you MUST do to show how much you love them and God), then you have lost more than $10. You feel like your whole spiritual life up to the point of change has been a waste. But thanking God today for healing from this kind of a ministry and lifestyle – and enjoying the freedom to worship God as He leads me to worship Him – in Spirit and in Truth!

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